I read an editorial in the Los Angeles Times this morning: “California I’m Dumping You.” Then I took a nap. But I couldn’t sleep. The idea of ‘dumping’ disturbed me and I kept thinking ‘I’m not dumping California, I’m embracing it. I’m embracing my marriage too and my life.’
‘Dumping’ has become kind of hip. Many observers advised Mark Sanford’s wife to ‘dump him.’ Eliot Spitzer’s wife also was so advised. I’m in a very different place these days as I notice the effects of my own exit strategies. I’ve dumped friends and left opportunities because they became difficult. While I never thought of my divorces (2) as ‘dumping’ I did give up. Not proud of that but it’s so.
Today I embrace. I embrace conflict within my 20 year marriage. I embrace the challenges of living in California, I embrace the dizzying opportunities of aging, and I work daily to embrace those I love – to become more loving myself.
You can change your focus. Change it from ‘what’s wrong with my life’ to ‘what can I do now to love those I love.’ Help yourself to self help. It’s free. The best book is the one you can write. Here’s a title: “How I went from complainant to compassionate: I created my own self help philosophy.”
It’s no secret. We become what we are today. Our loving expands as we focus on loving and leave behind the tired old question of whether or not we’re loved. I urge you to give it a try.
Stephen W. Frueh M.Div, PhD is a couples’ coach, mentor, leadership consultant, writer and speaker. He lives with his wife and eleven year old daughter in Ventura County, California.
You can email Stephen on stephen@marriageconversation.com or use our contact form.
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Well said my friend.
We do live in disposable times where it is too easy to leave, move, or throw away something that is displeasing to us. Granted, there are times when a relationship becomes destructive and either needs to be resolved or abandoned but that is far more rare that most would give you to believe. I have had several friends leave the country because they were unhappy with the current state of the country. What they don’t realize is that the socioeconomic disturbances are harmonic in nature and will continue to rise in intensity and impact until we make the next evolutionary jump. They can either embrace the changes and ride the evolutionary wave or hide from the change and joint the dinosaurs.
Keep up the good work and I hope you can make a big difference in our little corner of the world.
Cheers.
Scott Young
We will come, for the coffee and donuts, of course.
Seriously, sounds interesting, wish I could be there.
I’ve asked myself many times where the line is between “dumping”
and slogging on.
Wes