Comments on: Taking off the Mask http://www.marriageconversation.com/taking-off-the-mask/ discovering new pathways to intimacy in marriage Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:24:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Stephen http://www.marriageconversation.com/taking-off-the-mask/comment-page-1/#comment-93 Stephen Thu, 19 Mar 2009 19:14:57 +0000 http://www.marriageconversation.com/?p=216#comment-93 Dr.Bruce Derman is a psychologist in private practice in the San Fernando Valley. He is the author of "We'd have a Great Relationship if it weren't for you." Dr.Bruce Derman is a psychologist in private practice in the San Fernando Valley. He is the author of “We’d have a Great Relationship if it weren’t for you.”

]]> By: Stephen http://www.marriageconversation.com/taking-off-the-mask/comment-page-1/#comment-92 Stephen Thu, 19 Mar 2009 19:13:03 +0000 http://www.marriageconversation.com/?p=216#comment-92 It needs to be appreciated that masks are very ingrained forms of protection. Getting irritated at your mask, complaining about it or making attempts to get rid of it does very little to remove one's mask. There are only two things that our protective mask respond to. One is to be willing to state clearly and with no hesitation, "I no longer need your protection." The second is to also declare that "I am willing to be scared." Both statements stated from head to toe are necessary for the protective mask to take you seriously and to believe that you are ready to move beyond your safe, familiar comfort zone. There is an excellent fable called The Knight In Rusty Armor by Robert Fisher that vividly depicts the dilemmas that one faces in dealing with their protective masks and what is involved in taking your mask off. I recommend this book highly. Bruce Derman, Ph.D. It needs to be appreciated that masks are very ingrained forms of protection. Getting irritated at your mask, complaining about it or making attempts to get rid of it does very little to remove one’s mask. There are only two things that our protective mask respond to. One is to be willing to state clearly and with no hesitation, “I no longer need your protection.” The second is to also declare that “I am willing to be scared.” Both statements stated from head to toe are necessary for the protective mask to take you seriously and to believe that you are ready to move beyond your safe, familiar comfort zone.

There is an excellent fable called The Knight In Rusty Armor by Robert Fisher that vividly depicts the dilemmas that one faces in dealing with their protective masks and what is involved in taking your mask off.
I recommend this book highly.

Bruce Derman, Ph.D.

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